Another Beautiful Week

I got my wish and attended a beautiful 6 lb 3 oz baby girl coming into the world the day after Christmas. It was an amazing birth with a very strong and resilient mama. She pushed for over three hours and it definitely renewed my spirit.

An amazing opportunity has presented itself to me and after talking to my family and tossing our schedules around in my head a bit, I have decided that I'm going to spend the month of May at the clinic in Tennessee on a short-term apprenticeship. The plan was initially that I would be going down for an advanced skills workshop the last weekend of April, but after getting the offer for the apprenticeship, I'll be staying from that weekend until sometime at the end of May. Luckily the clinic has a spare bedroom, so housing is incredibly affordable. The most expensive portion of the trip will be my travel expenses down there! It truly is a fabulous opportunity. And I think it is something that I may really need.

Unfortunately, I am not sure how things are working out with *M*. I have attended two prenatal appointments with her, but the most recent one was nearly three weeks ago. I was scheduled to go with her to a third, but she has been very ill with pneumonia. The mama that she has been letting me attend with is due to delivery in the first part of January, and I haven't heard from her in three weeks. I absolutely do not want to burden her at all, especially since she has been so sick. So, I'm starting to wonder if this is just a good opportunity to get to observe some births and help out a fellow birthworker, but not the long-term mentorship that I was hoping. We will see, however. I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater quite yet.

But I do feel like by taking on this short-term apprenticeship in Tennessee, I am again adding to my "birth resume" and making myself an even more favorable candidate for any apprenticeship that should come up in the area, especially considering how terribly competitive this area can be for apprenticeships. It all leads me down the same path, but it is definitely better if I can prepare and make myself more competitive when a preceptor does become available.

It's a slow, slow process.

I finally got enrolled in an academic program to begin working in the direction of taking the NARM exam. I have chosen not to mention names or locations of any program on my blog, because I don't want it to turn into some sort of advertisement. But I can say that after spending months agonizing about which program to enroll with, I finally realized that putting myself into debt to pay for my education was not the best idea. So, my decision was definitely one that was driven by getting the best "bang for my buck," and I have definitely found that.

I've been attending prenatal appointments with *M* and I am still completely in love with the process. It's beautiful and it makes my heart soar each and every time.

Again, I am struggling with my constant urge to hurry up and make things happen. That just is not how the world works, but I fight the urge every day to rush, rush, rush. Midwifery will definitely be a series of lessons in humility and patience.

I am waiting right now for one of my doula clients to go into labor. The client I have been observing with *M* will be birthing some time at the beginning of January. Another doula client is due at the beginning of February. So, the births are coming. I just want to get myself immersed and the waiting it driving me crazy!

Part of that anticipation is the craving for that "space" that only a birth provides. There is a moment during a birth when everything else disappears. The world outside of the birthing room goes away. There is a total peace and energy. I wish that I could put more words to it. It is magical.