Contemplating

This blog has sat empty for a number of months.  It has been painful for me to even post here.  My emotions are running all over the spectrum lately when it comes to midwifery.  This is my life.  This is what motivates me and moves me.  And yet, I am starting to think that I am going to have to give it up. 

There does not seem to be an apprenticeship coming my direction any time soon. I cannot afford to keep making the tuition payments at MCU. The idea of traveling for school has crossed my mind, but after discussing it with my partner, it just doesn't seem as though that is ever going to happen either. 

It is truly breaking my heart.  I find myself losing my motivation to do *anything*, not just midwifery stuff.  As I feel this dream slip from my hands, I find myself thinking, 'Why bother?' What is the point in making my life into what I want it to be, if there is nothing to work toward?

Not trying to be a bummer here.  Just trying to face the facts.