And things change once again

I got the terrible news about two weeks ago that my short-term apprenticeship and the spring advanced skills workshop have been cancelled. So, very, very disappointing. I gotta admit that my heart broke a little bit. I've really just been feeling so anxious about finding a real apprenticeship. It's killing me. One step at a time grasshopper. I had another opportunity come up, but due to transportation issues, there is just no way to make it feasible this year. My next option is looking into one of the Domincan Republic trips offered. I just want to get some hands on experience. That has to help me to be more competitive when it comes to finding an apprenticeship.

I also think that I'm going to attempt a dual enrollment in two separate schools. MTB is a great guideline for self-study, but I'm feeling like I need a little more guidance. So I'm considering either the Midwives College of Utah or the Michigan School of Traditional Midwifery. Both are a bit more structured and a bit more well recognized. I feel like between the two programs, I will get an EXCELLENT, very encompassing education and will have a reputable school name to back that up. I truly hate that it matters to me. I wish I was one of those people who could just trust in myself to prove my worthiness, but I'm just not that confident. Not in my ability. I'm VERY confident in my ability to learn the information and to become an excellent midwife. It's my ability to sell myself that I'm not confident with. I feel like I need a strong program to stand on to prove the validity of my education. I don't know if that even makes sense. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. All I know is that I wish I could get financial aid so that I could attend one of the schools that actually accepts it. Or that I had decent credit and could shuffle around some zero interest credit cards. I'm completely willing to go into debt for my education. I just don't have the option to do that.

So, things are changing. And that's okay. It's just...change.