3 weeks down....So many to go.

The last few weeks have been so full of so much LIFE!  I fall into bed almost every single night, exhausted and overwhelmed, but so very fulfilled. This last week, I spend the majority of my time doing NON-midwifery things, because it was time for me to celebrate my anniversary with my wonderful and amazing partner. We had a fabulous week, including the most amazing fondue dinner and a weekend of nothing but sloth and gluttony.

But now it is back to reality, and studying microbiology and refreshing my brain on APA formatting. I know it's not that big of a deal, but I'm managing to maintain an A in all two courses after 3 weeks, and the third one hasn't had any assignments, so I guess that counts as an A, too. (Or I'm going to pretend it does, at least.)

And I've LEARNED something*.  It's a small thing and I'm sure I already knew it somewhere or had I really thought it out it would have come to me, but reading it in black and white really solidified it for me.

I was looking over my course plan for the next year and I'm a bit disappointed because I realized that I don't have any courses that  are directly related to midwifery until January when I get to take Well-Woman Care. I'm really going to do something about that.  I've been looking into a skills workshop in September.  It's in Massachusetts, but they offer on site camping. So, really if I can transport out there....But then again, there is also the fall MCU conference in October.....

I'll have to put it out there and start dreaming of Fall weather and workshops/conferences.....


*Dehydration=cells transferring water from external to internal via osmosis to try to reach homeostasis

Five days left!

I swear that logically I know that this first semester of school is really just a first semester of school, completely with the boredom and frustration that come along with a communication class and an anatomy class.  But I still just can't help but be so very excited to get started!  It seems like once a day or so I get an email from someone at the MCU office and I just about burst with excitement, like they're writing to tell me that just for me they're going to start the semester early. *giggle*  (Oh, that's hilarious, because if you know me at all, I am NOT a giggler.  I laugh or cackle.  Loudly. No polite little giggles for this amazon!)  I'm just so excited that I'm tittering with anticipation. Maybe I need to spend some time thinking about organizing my time and school work. That might kill the next five days.

This weekend I am getting blessed with two beautiful pieces of furniture!  First a desk, which I have needed for a long time but really need now that school is starting. I need somewhere to be able to call home base for studying.  And our lovely friend Emily has generously offered me the desk she'll no longer be using when she begins cohabitating on June 1.  And then shortly after receiving the offer of a desk, I caught wind via Facebook that Julia's parents were looking for a new home for their solid wood hutch.  YES, please!  It's cabinets on the lower half, glass and wood doors on the upper.  It's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!  It's going to be the ideal location for my "library" and supplies. We're picking up my desk on Friday and my new hutch on Saturday, and I'm absolutely sure I will post pictures of them very soon. 

Patience is golden

These last three weeks before classes begin might just cause me to explode with excitement. I spend every day looking at my class schedule for this fall and searching the internet for deals on textbooks.  This first semester will be fairly relaxed.

New Student Orientation (which is a class that will take around 12 hours total)
Anatomy for Health Professionals
Communciations skills


The text books for the communications course are both available from my local library system on NetLibrary. To say this least, this thrills me to no end.  It's not that they aren't good books or that the topic isn't important. I just do not want to spend money on books that won't become a permenant part of my library. What can I say, I'm cheap?

But textbooks don't look nearly as bad as I thought they would. In fact, my entire year of books between now and next spring semester will be less than $300.  I remember spending more than that on one quarter of books when I got my EC Spec Ed degree. Not that I will stop looking for good deals on those books. I think I'm going to make it a goal to get the total down to less than $250.

I've also found a study group here in Minneapolis, which thrills me to no end.  I know of a fantastic new midwife who is hosting one monthly at her home, but it is an hour drive from my house and usually held on a week night, which makes it difficult to get to. 

Little do folks know, I'm an incredibly shy person with a not-so-small amount of social anxiety.  So, now the challenge will be to actually convince myself to attend the group. 

Shock and Awe

I am sitting here fighting off tears of joy. It's been a few weeks since I updated, but until today, there hasn't been a lot to tell about my career as a student midwife.

About three weeks ago, I made the decision to apply to the Midwives College of Utah. It's a fantastic program. They offer a payment plan that I feel I can handle. The staff and instructors are wonderful and inspiring. They're MEAC accredited, which though isn't the end-all be-all in midwifery education since it's not required to become a midwife, it does add a level of security.

So, I submitted my application.

And as of about three hours ago, I am writing to you as an official student midwife with MCU.

I have a bunch of paperwork to go through over the next few days so that I can send in my initial enrollment fees and make it official. Classes will begin on May 3.

I'm still a bit in shock, I think. I simply cannot believe that life is really moving the way that I want it to.

And things change once again

I got the terrible news about two weeks ago that my short-term apprenticeship and the spring advanced skills workshop have been cancelled. So, very, very disappointing. I gotta admit that my heart broke a little bit. I've really just been feeling so anxious about finding a real apprenticeship. It's killing me. One step at a time grasshopper. I had another opportunity come up, but due to transportation issues, there is just no way to make it feasible this year. My next option is looking into one of the Domincan Republic trips offered. I just want to get some hands on experience. That has to help me to be more competitive when it comes to finding an apprenticeship.

I also think that I'm going to attempt a dual enrollment in two separate schools. MTB is a great guideline for self-study, but I'm feeling like I need a little more guidance. So I'm considering either the Midwives College of Utah or the Michigan School of Traditional Midwifery. Both are a bit more structured and a bit more well recognized. I feel like between the two programs, I will get an EXCELLENT, very encompassing education and will have a reputable school name to back that up. I truly hate that it matters to me. I wish I was one of those people who could just trust in myself to prove my worthiness, but I'm just not that confident. Not in my ability. I'm VERY confident in my ability to learn the information and to become an excellent midwife. It's my ability to sell myself that I'm not confident with. I feel like I need a strong program to stand on to prove the validity of my education. I don't know if that even makes sense. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. All I know is that I wish I could get financial aid so that I could attend one of the schools that actually accepts it. Or that I had decent credit and could shuffle around some zero interest credit cards. I'm completely willing to go into debt for my education. I just don't have the option to do that.

So, things are changing. And that's okay. It's just...change.

Another Beautiful Week

I got my wish and attended a beautiful 6 lb 3 oz baby girl coming into the world the day after Christmas. It was an amazing birth with a very strong and resilient mama. She pushed for over three hours and it definitely renewed my spirit.

An amazing opportunity has presented itself to me and after talking to my family and tossing our schedules around in my head a bit, I have decided that I'm going to spend the month of May at the clinic in Tennessee on a short-term apprenticeship. The plan was initially that I would be going down for an advanced skills workshop the last weekend of April, but after getting the offer for the apprenticeship, I'll be staying from that weekend until sometime at the end of May. Luckily the clinic has a spare bedroom, so housing is incredibly affordable. The most expensive portion of the trip will be my travel expenses down there! It truly is a fabulous opportunity. And I think it is something that I may really need.

Unfortunately, I am not sure how things are working out with *M*. I have attended two prenatal appointments with her, but the most recent one was nearly three weeks ago. I was scheduled to go with her to a third, but she has been very ill with pneumonia. The mama that she has been letting me attend with is due to delivery in the first part of January, and I haven't heard from her in three weeks. I absolutely do not want to burden her at all, especially since she has been so sick. So, I'm starting to wonder if this is just a good opportunity to get to observe some births and help out a fellow birthworker, but not the long-term mentorship that I was hoping. We will see, however. I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater quite yet.

But I do feel like by taking on this short-term apprenticeship in Tennessee, I am again adding to my "birth resume" and making myself an even more favorable candidate for any apprenticeship that should come up in the area, especially considering how terribly competitive this area can be for apprenticeships. It all leads me down the same path, but it is definitely better if I can prepare and make myself more competitive when a preceptor does become available.

It's a slow, slow process.

I finally got enrolled in an academic program to begin working in the direction of taking the NARM exam. I have chosen not to mention names or locations of any program on my blog, because I don't want it to turn into some sort of advertisement. But I can say that after spending months agonizing about which program to enroll with, I finally realized that putting myself into debt to pay for my education was not the best idea. So, my decision was definitely one that was driven by getting the best "bang for my buck," and I have definitely found that.

I've been attending prenatal appointments with *M* and I am still completely in love with the process. It's beautiful and it makes my heart soar each and every time.

Again, I am struggling with my constant urge to hurry up and make things happen. That just is not how the world works, but I fight the urge every day to rush, rush, rush. Midwifery will definitely be a series of lessons in humility and patience.

I am waiting right now for one of my doula clients to go into labor. The client I have been observing with *M* will be birthing some time at the beginning of January. Another doula client is due at the beginning of February. So, the births are coming. I just want to get myself immersed and the waiting it driving me crazy!

Part of that anticipation is the craving for that "space" that only a birth provides. There is a moment during a birth when everything else disappears. The world outside of the birthing room goes away. There is a total peace and energy. I wish that I could put more words to it. It is magical.